Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Book Excerpt: Reality Stinks by Ashlynn Monroe

This book is for readers 18 and older

Today as part of the BLB Book Tours I have an excerpt from a new e-book that is available; Reality Stinks by Ashlynn Monroe. This excerpt is adult rated and it is going to leave your graving more. By clicking the picture of the book, you will be sent to amazon to purchase this book if it interests you.

Book Blurb: When Dina’s wellspring of reality television program ideas runs dry, she’s desperate to save her job. The only way she can do that is to come up with something brilliant; I want to date a superhero. Unfortunately, the only superhero she knows is Zane Blair. He’s the only man she’s ever loved. Comedy hijinks ensue when you combine one reluctant bachelor, ten attention seeking woman, and one very evil super villain for reality TV. 

Excerpt: (This is adult rated)

Reality StinksDina bit her tongue, keeping herself from ruining everything by demanding he explain his fickle heart. She was the one always pushing him away, but she’d never seriously considered he might find someone new to love. For years she’d pined for him, and she just expected him to do the same for her. Wasn’t that just common courtesy in this type of situation?

A picnic near the lake was the first date she’d planned for Zane and the contestants. When she announced it, the women happily snatched up the five picnic baskets she'd ordered
catered for this event. She knew all of Zane’s favorite foods and also what he didn't like. He was in for a surprise. Each basket had a few things he loved and a few things he hated.
The challenge on the date was to guess what he would like and avoid what he wouldn’t eat. For each correct guess, the contestant would get one point. The girl with the most points was immune from the next day’s elimination. Dina happily led the group down to the five checkered blankets, artfully arranged and anchored by the lake. Umbrellas shaded the blankets, and each area artfully turned into an interesting and comfortable picnic oasis for them. Dina was happy with the result. Each pair of cabin mates would have a basket and have to work out an order and strategy between themselves. Drama would soon ensue. Yep, Erving would be making her the new employee of the month!

They took their places and Dina directed Zane to go to the first blanket. He lay down on his side; his black spandex was glimmering in the sun. It was a sight that Dina never thought she'd see. Zane looked positively delighted to be the center of these women’s universes. Dina wanted to hit him with the coconut cream pie on display, even if it was his favorite desert. Moving to stand in front of a giant white dry erase board she motioned to the cameraman. She held herself proudly and used her most theatrical voice.

“It was now time for the contest to begin. The girl with the most points is safe from elimination. Each team has divided the items in the basket and Mind-Man will give me the thumbs up if he likes what you are offering him. If you’ve made a bad choice he’ll give the thumbs down.”

Susan and Candy were the first to go. Susan gave him a bite of mango. She scored a point. Candy offered him a piece of toffee. She whispered, “Candy from Candy.” Her flirting didn’t help, Zane held his thumb down.

Susan gave him a bite of banana dipped in chocolate. She scored another point Candy offered him a strawberry dipped in chocolate. She didn’t score a point. Dina’s professional side felt delighted with her huffy pout. Susan offered him a bite of Swiss cheese; she scored a point. Candy refused a third try already defeated and pouting.

Dina directed him to go to Amber and Purity’s blanket. Dina noticed the way he looked at Purity, and it made her want to throw the girl in the lake! Forcing herself to calm down, she smiled sweetly and began the point tally anew under Susan’s winning score. Amber went first and offered him a bite of celery. She should’ve scored a point, but Zane gave her the thumbs down. Purity offered him a bit of carrot. He gave the thumbs up. Dina paused. She'd just about been ready to mark it as a no pointer. Looking at him, she called out. “I couldn’t tell. Was that a thumb's down?”

“No, definitely a thumb's up!” He smiled a very sexy bedroom smile at Purity. Dina almost snapped her chalk in half! He was lying. Liar liar pants on fire. He did the first unnoble
thing she’d ever seen him do--cheat! Zane could read minds, but he wouldn't even cheat at Monopoly! How could he do this? He’d obviously started to mark his preferences. Gritting her teeth, she marked it as a point for Purity.

Amber offered him a bit of watermelon, his favorite of all time; he gave her the thumbs down. Dina was really getting mad. But she certainly couldn't call him out as a liar without
admitting how intimately they knew each other. She took away poor Amber’s rightfully earned point. Obviously, she could play this game, too, and she'd remember which girls he cheated on, so to speak. Purity offered him a bite of soft goat cheese. He gave the thumbs up, and Dina relished the look on his face as he tried not to vomit! She gave the girl another undeserved point. Amber offered him a bite of fried chicken, and he gave her a much-undeserved thumbs down. To irritate Dina even more, she'd ordered the chicken
from his favorite restaurant, where he always raved about how much he liked the fried chicken!

He was so not playing fair. Amber offered him a chocolate truffle again; he gave her an incorrect thumb down. The poor girl tied with Susan, and didn’t even know it. Purity offered him a bite of caviar. He slurped it down as if he loved it, but Dina could see his cheeks growing red in an attempt not to empty the contents of the picnic on the pretty girls.

Begrudgingly, Dina updated Purity’s to score to tie her with Susan. He did everything entirely fairly at all the other blankets, and that irritated Dina even more than if he’d kept
playing with her. He knew she knew his preferences. And he knew that she knew he cheated. Glancing over at Purity, she tried not to roll her eyes. Mr. Noble decided to break his code of honor for a silly girl he didn’t even know. Dina never thought about it, but she was suddenly a little irked that he never broken his code for her. He professed his ultimate adoration, but he was obviously a fickle man!

It was time to announce the winner, and there was a threeway tie between Susan, Purity, and Nelly. They each had oneopportunity to impress him with creating a food combination
from the remainder of the picnic. To prove he liked the winner’s “cooking,” he had to devour her entire creation. Dina was suddenly starting to enjoy the game. She watched the three-woman work. They only had two minutes.

“Ready…set…go.” It was on.
They scrambled between the blankets to get what they wanted and what he'd liked. Everyone else was out of the way. It was going smoothly until Nelly ran into Susan and the pair ended up in a tangle of limbs and food. Dina could see her Emmy award now, just in sight, almost in reach.

Nelly shouted and began to wrestle with Susan. Susan’s bio said she was a black belt, and soon Nelly found out the hard way as Susan took her out with a kick in moments. Purity kept working fiercely, and before long, the buzzer went off. The others had nothing to show for their time, so Purity assumed that she was the winner. Dina stopped her from congratulating herself and spoke to Zane.

“You must eat her hard work to make her the winner. If you don’t like her work, then we'll have to select the one that is free from elimination by a random drawing.” Zane looked
angry, but he was hiding it well--the only way that Dina knew was the tick in his handsome jaw line. He looked genuinely happy. Purity’s creation looked completely inedible, and, to
make it worse, it was large and contained almost all of the foods he hated! Zane tried to smile as he shocked Dina by devouring the mess! She could see he didn’t look well and for a moment, she regretted what she'd forced him to do it. She stopped regretting it the moment he pressed Purity into the most impure lip lock she'd ever witness.

He professed his love to Dina the night before, but now with ten beautiful women lavishing attention on him, he toss the love spiel right out the window! He was doing everything a producer could’ve hoped he’d do. She should be elated instead of feeling rejected and deflated. All she wanted to do was run to her personal space and hide from what she saw, but knowing her career was on the line, she stood her ground and
wore the best fake smile. When she caught his eye, the challenge she saw there made her smile falter slightly. Was he trying to show her how bad she'd feel if he was with another
woman? If so, it totally worked. She wanted to kick the sneaky man, but knew it wouldn't be good for the show. Instead, she decided to show him how unbothered by his actions she could be.

“As this first meeting wraps to a close, I’d like to ask Mind-Man if he would like to give each of you a kiss of farewell.” Trying not to cringe, she looked right at him as she said the
words. As this was as unscripted, as most of the first day's production had been, her crew looked unsure. The cameras circled like piranhas, all hoping to get the best angle. His eyes
never left her as he grabbed the closest woman and bent her backwards by the force of his passionate kiss. He released her quickly as he swung the next contestant into a similar embrace. Zane’s eyes never left Dina’s as he kissed all ten women thoroughly. Heat burned her cheeks by the time he’d finished. Then he poofed away in an instant--definitely not in her script. It only annoyed her further. She wrapped up the taping.

“Mind-Man will select two woman, and as Purity is the winner of the competition she too will be going. You three lucky ladies will be spending some quality time with him. He’ll
also select one woman who’ll have to say good-bye and go home.”

The loser would actually go to a luxury hotel where she'd stayed guarded from the media, but Dina didn't think the viewers needed to know about that. She tried not to stutter when she said her last words to the camera. “Well, those were some pretty spectacular goodnight kisses! I think this group will certainly up the ante now that they know what they're competing to win. Tune in next week when one will leave and one will get that much closer to being the woman behind the man with the amazing mind!"

Dina returned to her RV after the grueling day. She wanted to take a bath and go to bed! A sudden sound made her grab a broom, the closest thing to a weapon she could reach. Slowly she walked to the back, where she heard the noise again. To her relief and surprise, it was Zane, hunched over her RV toilet, ill. His crazy meal was clearly not sitting well with him. Dina felt caught between annoyance and sympathy.

“You know those things don’t flush like a regular toilet. It’s really more of a holding tank, yuck!”

“Thank you so much, little Miss Camping Etiquette expert! You’re the one who poisoned me with your evil picnic. That was diabolical, you know, making me eat that stuff.”

“It serves you right for cheating. Is that how you always got Boardwalk? You always declared cheating went against your moral code, now the truth comes out. Ha!”

“I’ve the mad-wicked skills to earn Boardwalk, and as far as unfair, this whole thing has been unfair to me from the start!”

“Keep your voice down. No one can know you’re here!” She shushed him, overcome with her paranoia.

“Are you that ashamed of being around me? Is that why you didn't want to be with me? When the media found out what I could do, you never wanted to be seen with me. I know
I’m a freak, but I thought if anyone would understand, it’d be you.”

His question felt like a knife in her heart, and she slid down the wall of the miniscule hallway to sit across from him. His large frame filled the tiny bathroom completely. She wondered if they'd need the jaws-of-life to free him. For a long time they just sat looking at each other in silence.

Clearing her throat, she answered from her heart. “Zane I’ve always been proud of what you do. Not because of what you do but why you do it. You use a skill others would hide or use for themselves, and you do it for strangers, randomly, free. You are the most brave and noble man I’ve ever known, well at
least until you cheated in that game, and I was always proud to be yours. I can’t be with you because I couldn’t stand it if you were hurt because of the weak, regular people in your life, me. I don’t what to be the reason you die or give up what you do for
the city! Even if you swore to never wear the costume or to save someone, I’d never be able to forgive myself for cheating so many out of hope. You've become that for the entire city. You’re too important to belong to one person.”

Zane just looked at her for a long time and then poof, he was gone. She really hated it when he did that. She did her best to air out the small room. Men are bad enough when they don’t poof. Dina rolled her eyes with annoyance. Then she took a quick shower and went to bed. For too long she lay looking up at the ceiling trying not to cry. She closed her eyes until she felt a presence in her room. Startled she sat up. Zane stood at the foot of her bed, and she glared at him.

“Do I need to get you a bell? For goodness sake, Zane, you scared the crap out of me!”

“I want to be here with you tonight. Di, I want you in my arms right now. Brigitte killed herself. She couldn't go on without Helium any longer.”

Dina started to cry. She loved Brigitte like a sister, and she felt guilt because she hadn't supported her friend during her last rough months. Opening her arms, she let Zane slide into her bed. They held each other as Dina cried. When she’d gotten the first wave of her grief out, she asked. “Is Ella ok? Have you talked to her, should we call her?”

“She’s the one who told me. She had to go as herself to the morgue to identify Brigitte’s body. Brigitte died as herself not as Stunner. Ella deals differently. She needs her space. She’ll come to us when she’s ready.” Dina nodded, knowing that he spoke the truth, but hurting to think of her sister alone with her grief, even if that was her preference.

It felt right to grieve with him. It hurt, but in his arms, she felt she’d survive the pain of their loss. Brigitte was a wonderful woman, and her loss seemed surreal and unbelievable. A world without her seemed unthinkable, and yet it was the reality they'd have to face. However, not tonight. They'd face none of that pain tonight. Dina just reacted to the
primal call of her heart to connect with the man she'd always loved. Even if she could only be with him on a physical level, tonight it felt right. Sex was a reaffirmation of life, and Dina felt the need to reaffirm! She put her hand gently on his stubbled jaw line and ran her hand over his face tenderly. He looked down at her. She couldn't resist wiggling up just enough to reach his lips with her own. First, it was just a tender touch, a flutter of sweet soft caring. Then the long-caged desire they held for each other finally burst free of its shackles, and, for the first time in six years, they welcomed the desire they'd been trying to ignore.

His lips devoured hers. He nibbled at her bottom lip just the way she liked. No one else kissed like Zane. She deepened the kiss while clinging to him, afraid to let go, afraid he was just a dream. His body felt stronger than she remembered. They'd been so young the last time they made love, she hadn't realized how much more delectable he’d be now. She ran her hands over his chest relishing the feeling of his body. She watched the play of the night shadows across his skin and marveled in the beauty of his masculine body. He rolled her on top of him and she straddled his stomach, all while the kissed continued.

“Oh God, Zane, I’ve missed this,” she breathed quietly. His hands clutched her long hair, and she heard him growl in a very primal way. She felt his large hands slide down her
neck and shoulders until he found her breasts. Gasping she relished the feeling of his hands lightly rubbing her sensitive nipples, heightening her desire. Being with a man who could read your mind came in handy in the bedroom, and as much as she hated to see him use his abilities unnecessarily, she loved the fact he always knew just what she needed, just what would rev up her engine!

“You taste so damn good. Dina, you’re my only addiction. God, I can’t get enough of you!”

She felt his large strong warm hands slid sensuously down her stomach, making her gasp and arch her back with the subtle tickle of his skin touching hers. His fingers found her
body already very hot and very wet as he began to massage her clit until she let go of a little moan. She relished the bedroom grin he gave her. Leaning down she nipped his lip and began to kiss a trail down his jaw, then neck, then chest. Dina slid down his body leaving a trail of hot kisses in her wake.

It was her turn to grin as he hissed his sudden pleasure when she took the head of his very hard cock in her mouth and twirled her tongue. He wasn’t the only one who remembered what buttons to push. Holding the base of it in her small hand, she began to suckle the remainder in a diabolical rhythm that left him gritting his teeth in an effort not to end things before they got good.

Groaning he grumbled, “If you don’t plan to finish me off with that sweet little mouth of yours, you’d better knock it off!” Glancing up at him, she couldn't stop the rush of pure
feminine delight knowing she drove him to the edge of his control. His expression told her how he was feeling; she didn’t have to be a mind reader to know how turned on he felt. Dina knew Zane was a man who always wanted to be in control. It was nice to see that he was still just a mortal man and not the God so many had come to think of him as.

Reality Stinks click to buy.


Disclosure of Material Connection: i am a member of the Book Lovin' Bitches Ebook Tours and a copy was provided to me by the author. although payment may have been received by Book Lovin' Bitches Ebook Tours, no payment was received by me in exchange for this review nor was there an obligation to write a positive one. all opinions expressed here are entirely mine and may not necessarily agree with those of the author, the book's publisher and publicist or the readers of this review. this disclosure is in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255, Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and
Testimonials in Advertising.

1 comment:

ashlynn monroe said...

Thank you so much for posting my excerpt.